Souji's Envelope Life
by Clickson Jeevas
Summary: Souji x Envelopes. In which Souji finds a way to deal with his money problems, but ultimatly pays the highest price for it. Read this and learn from his mistakes.


**Well then, this is a story that my friend dared me to write an awfully long time ago. And really, I don't have to tell you guys not take it seriously right? You could probably decide that for yourselves… I sincerely hope.**

**Oh and Loes, you can take this as a belated birthday present because I could not find you that eye-patch. (in Gelderland, how did you mishear that as the Alps? You continue to amaze me). **

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Come on people… use you heads for once. I would have been sipping margarita's on Hawaii if I owned Persona 4.

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><p><em><strong>Souji's envelope life.<strong>_

He needed money. He needed it now! How else was he supposed to keep his umpteen girlfriends and two boyfriends entertained? They were high maintenance you know! Being a main character is hard work, that should never be forgotten. He could only go on so many shopping trips before the measly salary he earned working in the hospital and all the other miscellaneous jobs ran out. Make no mistake: Souji knew it was a small price to pay for being the most awesome person in the entire game, but sometimes his worries just caught up to him, like today.

Sighing he ran his hands through his (awesome) hair, what was he supposed to do? Money, contrary to popular believe, does in fact not grow on trees! What to do, what to do… His eyes took in his room, kind of plain for the most amazing person in existence, sure, but it felt like home. His gaze then fell on the pile of paper sitting on his desk, and just like that an idea rose to the front of his mind. _Envelopes, of course! _Had he not made unimaginable amounts of cash just folding envelopes! For the life of him he couldn't think of a better and easier way to rid himself from his money woes. Had there been anyone observing him in that moment they would have been unnerved by the Yen sign's appearing in Souji's eyes. As it was there was no-one to witness this event so it went by unnoticed. He sat himself behind his desk and started folding.

_And that is how it all went wrong…_

At first Souji's (not so awesome) helpers did not notice anything strange about their friend (master), but as time went by they began to wonder where their leader disappeared to every day after school. For the last months they had not been to the TV-world at all! Souji seemed distant all of a sudden… Like he had other things on his mind besides saving the universe. Just as they had made up their minds to go and seem their leader, Yosuke had an enlightenment (read: idiotic notion).

'Hey you guys, do you think he has a _Girlfriend?_' he said it in a way that you knew it had to be written with a capital 'G' and in _italic_. All the girls (and boys) in the vicinity felt a stab of pain only thinking about it. They insecurity told, no screamed to them that it could be a possibility. And because we could never accuse the Souji gang of having any kind of common sense they decided to leave their great leader be. They then parted ways to go wallow in their jealously.

As more time went by Souji began to miss classes, arrive late and sometimes even skip whole days. He spends hours and hours just folding, always folding those envelopes. He forgot everything except for how to fold. He had long forgotten why he needed the money, only that he needed it. And so he went on and on. And before he knew it, he did nothing else. He stopped going to school (his minions unanimously decided he must have eloped with the mystery girlfriend and moved to the Bahamas, and they never thought of him again). All the while Souji never stopped folding those damned envelopes.

Days turned into weeks, months, and years. Souji was a shell of the man he once was. But he wasn't lonely, not at all. After a good long while he had mastered the illustrious language of the envelopes, and he spends his days talking to them. He had made good friends with #364787 and #587899 and they spend many a day discussing the economy and the occasional philosopher (#364787 had some great arguments about the recession when he felt like it). He didn't even send the envelopes to the post office for money any more, and so his room started filling itself with mountains of white, identical envelopes. Souji didn't mind, in fact he took comfort in their presence_. And he folded, and he folded some more_.

One day, some twenty years had gone by, something happened to shake the balance of things. Nanoko still lived in the house which her father had left her in his will. She was married, had six beautiful children and yet for as long as she could remember she had the nagging feeling that she had forgotten something… she stared at the door that hadn't been opened in a very long time, lost in thought. What could it be?

All of a sudden she was shaken out of her thoughts, the door she had been mindlessly staring at had given a last pathetic moan, before collapsing into the living room, taking with it a tsunami of envelopes.

That is when she remembered, she had had a cousin! Souji! She had not thought of him in years! She almost mindlessly dived into the sea of paper, but decided against it and rang her husband to come help her, he came accompanied by some police officers (from his team) armed with shovels. Together they made way to get into the room. What they found there would forever be carved upon their soul. There amidst unfolded envelope paper laid the body of Souji Seta.

_There surrounded by his beloved envelopes, he had found his demise…_

-Fin!-

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><p><strong>AN: **there children, let this be a lesson for all of you, find an honest job you lazy asses! Envelopes are for weaklings!

;)


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